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Mar. 12th, 2007 @ 05:48 pm
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I want to apologize to all the friends I spurned or otherwise neglected during or since mid-2005. I realize that its really too late for that to do any good, and that not all of the people covered in that use livejournal, but still. My actions were inexcusable, and I regret them immensely. |
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Oct. 30th, 2006 @ 12:06 am
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Aug. 22nd, 2006 @ 06:31 pm
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Look at me, look at me, using a livejournal to do what I've always told people not to do with livejournals...complain. Oh well. I seriously doubt anyone will read this. If they do, they probably won't care; if they care, they most likely will be insincere or cliche, and the chances of true insight popping up in this post are...none. I suppose I'm writing this entirely for myself. If I'm happier in the future than I am now, I can look back later and be glad that I'm doing better. If I'm not as happy, I can remember happier times. Lame, but whatever.
X Classes officially begin tomorrow.
X I'm scheduled to move into my apartment on September 7th. Its going to be good, I suppose. Always open to friends.
And there's the issue.
X I have no desire to study anything about computers.
X I really don't know what other subjects might or might not interest me. And yes, I've looked, I've just yet to find anything interesting.
X Potential careers seem really, really unfulfilling.
X I have no desire to go to divinity school or be a pastor, not because I don't want to serve God, but because I've seen that people are total hypocrites, and that you can be the most inspiring, theologically-correct, righteous pastor in the world, and no one would care. Funny that I didn't pick that up from the Bible. People don't listen to anyone.
X I essentially have no desire to do anything, nor any plan for the future, short or long-term. Some might say I'm depressed, but I'm not really all that sad. Rather, all of my previous plans are no longer interesting, and I can't think of new plans. Perhaps I'm not creative enough? Sometimes I think that if I dropped out of school and volunteered full time, it would be awesome.
By the way, lacking ambition makes for very, very boring free time. Lacking ambition while you're stuck in Smithfield until your apartment is ready? Even worse.
X My health sucks. Go figure.
X I have maybe two friends in the world. I don't even know that I could count on those two if push came to shove, but they're at least friendly. I think I could count on them, at least.
X I have zero contact with them at the moment, thank you, school.
X The rest either:
1. spurn me,
2. are a bad influence, or
3. have just fallen out of contact
X Da-n moral convictions. If I lacked my morals, the second one wouldn't be an issue, and I'd have plenty of friends still. Yes, I'm still the bizarre Christian I have been, but I really wish I weren't. I wish I could be okay with people's behaviour, I wish I could accept it, condone it, be part of it. It sure would make life more interesting. Less lonely, less boring. Though, no matter if I like my God's requirements or not, they exist, and I shall abide by them. Moving on....
X The dating scene is nonexistant. If there's one thing that adds fuel to the fire that sparked this post, that's it. Oh well. I'm Jonathan Pittard - I should have seen that one coming a mile away.
X Because of my lack of ambition for computer science and pastorship, I have not the slightest clue what I'll do when I get out of school. Boo for randomly drifting through life. I thought that was something that people attributed to druggies and those with low intelligence or a lack of morals. Well....I'm not on drugs, I'd say I'm not dumb, and I'd fit in if I lived in 16th-century New England, but I still have no clue what to do.
X Former pastimes are boring, mainly because they involve a lot more of me and a lot less of everyone I used to know.
The funny thing is, I said my senior year of highschool that college would be this way. I could say that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I worked against it - still do work against it. Its just that "be yourself" is sometimes bad advice.
Six months from now I'll read back on this and see what I think. |
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New LJ
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Jan. 20th, 2006 @ 04:05 am
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I'm ditching this journal. Did a long time ago. I've started a new one. Its not a mundane log of things going on in my life, its a place for theological and/or philosophical discourse. Maybe political, but I doubt it. jptheology. Friend it. now. I'm not joking. Go do it. Are you still reading this? Stop. Stop now. Okay, I'm not kidding. Quit. QUIT. Go friend that journal.
okay, enough of that. |
So, this morning, I had a bit of a revelation. Divine revelation? Could be. I don't know about that, but a revelation nonetheless. I'm not exactly sure how I should phrase it...so I'll start with a bit of background.
A portion of what I realized consists of the fact that I've had, in the past, two separate self-concepts at different times. When I was young, I was a leader, I was at the fore of things, I was planning and getting others involved in things, at least as much as a little kid can. Then, around fourth grade, I got shoved into another view of myself. I was written off as solely an academic. "The smart kid" was too thin, too quiet, not the person anyone wanted for a friend. I don't know if people thought this way, and now its too late to ask. The point is, I perceived myself in this way, and so it really didn't matter what the other people really thought - what I thought THAT they thought, if that makes sense, was what controlled how I acted. And now, my revelation. Over the years as I got older, my view of myself as a scrawny, uninteresting, quiet, unattractive and undesirable person got in the way of other things. Throughout middle and high school, this view impeded my social life, cut out on dating almost entirely, and shaped, in short, how I viewed my relationships with other people. I was "just" Jonathan Pittard. I always looked up to everyone in every way - they were the people I wanted to be my friends - I searched for friends, as if friendship were a commodity that I should be grateful to receive from the gracious donors, instead of making friends, as equals, or in some cases, as the superior. Everyone, I thought, had better things to do, had better people than me, had better uses for their time, and was was just being nice, just putting up with me. I viewed myself as the one always being allowed to be a friend, or to be in a relationship, never as an equal who was worth people's time and effort, and deserved the things he had sought as an inferior, not as a gracious gift from other people, but because of who he was.
And this morning I realized - I'm no longer the fourth-grade kid pinholed into the stereotype of a dweeb. It was bizarre...I suddenly and completely saw myself as someone different. I got an entirely different view of my personality, of my appearance, of my opinions, of the ways I spend my time - all at once. It was like looking at another person and going, "Wait....that guy is me? But, that guy is so much better than me! Whoa...that guy IS me!" I've got news for everybody. I AM one of the people like those to whom I so supinely looked up in the past. I'm not some little wuss. I'm not uninteresting. I'm not boring. I'm not quiet. I'm fun. I'm not unattractive. I'm...well I don't know how attractive I am per say, but when I got that new view of my appearance, I went..."Hey, that guy doesn't look dumb...he looks..." I don't know how to put into words the idea that followed...I'm not good at judging guys' appearances. Lol, what a surprise. But regardless, It was like looking, as I've already said, at a NEW person. Going, "Hey, this is someone who people should want to be friends with! This is somebody who people should want to be around! This is somebody whose company people should be happy to have! This is somebody who people should be proud to know, as he should be proud to know them. This guy's pretty cool." Then, of course, came the awe-inspiring realization that changed my entire view of myself - "Hey, this is me! I'm not that bad!"
It seems that I had viewed myself, since being put into the dork stereotype in elementary school, in a completely static way. Nothing, and I mean nothing, about the way I thought about myself had changed in nine, almost ten years. In my mind, though I didn't realize it, I had for the past decade remained that sad and lonely ten-year-old kid nobody wanted to be around. In every way, I still thought of myself as that person. That was why I was so shocked by realizing, along with all the other things, what I really look like, physically...because here before me was somebody who was a fully grown normal-looking nineteen year old man, not the little pathetic kid that I knew to be myself. Literally, it was like looking at a stranger, or seeing a mirror for the first time. Amazing. A life-changing experience.
So basically, stuff is going to change. I know now that I'm worth something. I'm going to take a lot less crap from people, because you know what? I don't deserve to be treated like I'm less than I really am. I don't deserve to have to belittle or degrade myself for other people. I'm worth your time, no matter who you are. You're probably worth mine, too. I'm going to be respected by each and every person I know, and feel respected, or I'm going to have nothing to do with that person, because if they don't realize that I deserve respect, they're a jerk, no matter who they are. I'm Jonathan Pittard. I'm not pathetic. I'm rather smart, but no genius. I'm not ugly. I'm not boring. I'm fun to be around. I'm not quiet. I know interesting things, and have interesting and provocative opinions. I don't need to worry about how anyone else feels about me. If they don't like me, its their problem, not mine. I don't have to work to something you like - you should like me as I am. I don't have to have your attention - if you won't share time with me, then you don't deserve my time anyway. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me. I know that I'm good enough for you. And I'm good enough for me. I'm not some little ten-year-old kid like I always thought. I just am, no description, no labels, no stereotypes. That's good enough, and, all in all, its pretty awesome. And I'm not being cocky or arrogant. I don't think I'm the best in the world at everything, I don't think I'm mind-blowing or amazing or hott or that anyone should bow down to me or pathetically worship me like I as the ten-year-old worshiped the people around me. But I'm not pathetic, either. I just am. And just being, rocks.
Things are going to change in my relationships with everyone I know. I mean everyone, every single person. Things are going to change for the better for me. I shouldn't be the center of attention, but I'm worth some time. I don't have right to make things hard for other people, but I'm worth some effort. I shouldn't be lauded, and I don't want to be lauded, but I'm worth some appreciation. I'm not the most amazing thing since sliced bread, but I'm worth some respect. I'm not worth less than you. I'm not worth more, either. But I am, most definitely, I finally realize, worth something. Can you keep up with a Jonathan Pittard who realizes that he's worth something? I hope so, but I can't promise that you can. That's up to you. Good luck.
I'll see you all later kids.
JpCurrent Mood:  rejuvenated |
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Hmmm....
Sep. 20th, 2005 @ 12:00 am
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Yes, yes everyone, I'm still here, still breathing, and, lo and behold, I still have a pulse. This has been long overdue, I know, so I figured I'd treat everyone to the oh-so-anticipated update I've been talking about for so very long. While reading everyone else's journals is good fun, I should probably throw in my two cents as well. Before I start, though, anyone care to fill me in on what I missed at Breakaway? I hear it was great. You all know, too, that I'll be there next year if I can be. Staff? What? Yep. And by the way, Dan Rankin has already recruited me to show up at ACS one evening, so look out. It'll probably be Thursday evening for the talent show, as the only other night for visitors (am I right about this?) is Wednesday, and dances are typically hideously awkward for me. I do intend to show up for one of the evenings, though, if I'm not busy...and I don't know why I would be busy.
Now, you may ask, what sort of craziness has kept me away from everything? Well, not so much away from everything, but away from my previous habit of updating a livejournal more often than once per day? Well, let us see... Oddly enough, the name of the journal is rather anachronistic. It is no longer one semester until summer, it IS the summer, and so I think that I may get a new journal title and start fresh. I've not been that busy, actually. To fill everyone in, I did get in to NCSU, after much difficulty with transfer requirements. I'm technically entering as a freshman, yet all my hours that would have carried from UNC had I been a transfer student still carry, and so I am, for all intents and purposes, a transfer student. I'm headed there on the 18th of August, triple-majoring Computer Science, Computer Engineering, and Electrical Engineering. More on things related to that later. Anyway, I'm behind in my science requirements, as I studied all humanities fields at UNC-CH. So, I'm taking basic Chem at JCC over the summer, Mondays and Wednesdays from noon to five. Well, technically its from noon to five, but the latest we've ever stayed is 4:15, and typically we get out around 3:45 or so. It took six weeks for me to really learn much of anything, as the previous material was review...I'm picking up little things here and there, though. Really, I'm not sure if the class should transfer to public universities as it does. Its made out to be entirely simplistic - no balancing equations, no limiting reactants, glossing over some of the more complex areas of even just the introduction to the science. Also, the format is not really all that college-related...for one thing, no one refers to the instructor as a professor...that's just a minor thing, I guess, but it confounds me. Moreover, the professor, as good a guy as he seems to be, is a very heavy smoker, and so we take ten minute breaks every hour...I wouldn't complain, save for the fact that if we eliminated these breaks, we'd be out of that class in three hours or less most days. Some of the students are intelligent people - one is attending NCSU and taking the course for the exact same reason I am, another two or so, I'm convinced, would do fine at a major four-year school if they only had the opportunity. However, some of the people...not to judge. Really. But I mean...if you fail the class once, that's a hint that you might should show up on the day of a midterm when you're taking it a second time, isn't it? And having to pace down the class to spending 45 minutes on one or two conversion problems....sigh.
What else...with the whole change of concentration when I'm going to State, (from Religion/Philosophy at UNC to Engineering at NCSU), I don't think that this will, ultimately, change my long-term career goals, if anyone was wondering. Only one-third of entering students at Duke Divinity have religion degrees, and I've learned from experience that a secular "religion" degree is so far divorced from a study of theology in the proper context that its ridiculous. I would continue to study religion, but I'm tired of having atheism preached to me while I pay to attend. I would continue to study philosophy, but I'm tired of self-centered professors trying to convince their students that there is no afterlife. So, I'm going to go in for undergrad for something a little more objective. Also, I'd like to have something on which to fall back because of the turmoil in the UMC right now...We'll just have to see how the dust settles with that. I still plan to go into ministry of some sort, though, eventually, if not right after college. Its His decision, really.
Now, on to the highlight of my summer, and what really has diverted my attention from some other things. Well, its not so much what, as who, really...you guys have probably seen my away messages and know already, but this gives me an excuse to talk again. Her name is Erika, and she's...wow. :) She lives in SC...We met a while back, (Yay, band!) and have been keeping in closer contact the past six months. On an earlier journal, when I said that I had fallen for someone and it hadn't worked out, and two people had gotten me through it, she was one of the two, along, of course, with Adonai...though whether I should have referred to Him as a person, I'm not sure....but anyway. We've been keeping in closer contact, calling each other, stuff like that, for about six months now. Is that what people call "talking?" I'm not sure...She came up here for a cousin's birthday party last month, and we got together, both as in, met up to hang out, and started dating (May 26!). She ended up going to the lake with my family and all; good times with scary movies. lol. Just yesterday I got back from going down to see her for four days. (The train is evil, by the way. It was supposed to get in at 11:55 at night down there, and I didn't get in until 5:00 the next morning), Her family is so nice and accepting, they really made me feel at home almost instantly. And she...well...she's just amazing. Seriously, you all, this girl is quite possibly the sweetest and most caring woman alive. Not to mention that she's fun, kind, interesting, warm, engaging, and absolutely, no joke, drop-dead gorgeous. She won't admit it, and she's all overly modest when I say she's pretty, but trust me, I'm in the right on that point. Not to mention that she's actually a moral person, and those of you who know my morals are aware that that in itself is an absolute miracle. Heh, can you all tell that I really, really, really, really (really really really) like this girl?:-D The weird thing is that typically, in my friendships and all, I get to know someone and like them, and things just stay like that as I get to know them better, or, I get to know them, like them, and then start finding little bad things about them...which I typically ignore, friendships are more important than little habits and things. But, not so with Erika. I've gotten to know her really well, I'd say, but this past weekend (Well, Thursday-Monday morning) I found out even more about her, and I've still yet to find something that legitimately bothers me. In all seriousness, every time I find out new things about her, I like her more than I did before...odd, isn't it? Hmm...what else...she has four chihuahuas, and they're sooo cute, although I think at least one may hate me. She's Christian (which, honestly, you guys should have assumed from the fact that I'm dating her). Hmmm...I met two of her friends while down in SC. Both were cool, although she seemed absolutely convinced that I would think one friend of hers was prettier than she is, which isn't the case at all...hehe...she's kinda short...okay, short, like 5'2'' or so, just up to my shoulder. She's rather bothered when people comment on it, but I don't think its a bad thing...I'm hoping she can come up here for the fourth of July. G-Mom is going to be here, and since I met Erika's grandma (who is great, by the way), I'd really like for her to meet my grandmom. Plus, I think that G-mom would really like her. My dad, of course, is uncomfortable with me dating...my mom was too, until I reminded her that she was married at my age...but nooo, dad won't listen to reason. Oh well. Oh oh oh! On another, slightly related note, I have my schedule for NCSU arranged so that I have Fridays off! So, if anyone wants to hang out on a Friday of next semester, let me know. Of course, I'm hoping that I'll be spending some of them...eh...lots of them, hopefully, going down to see Erika, but if I'm in town, I'm not in school! Hmmm...back to Erika...she wants to be a teacher (or an international journalist, which is also very cool). Hehe...she speaks Japanese. The fourth might not work out, but I want her to come up soon...she's agreed to try and hook Dylan up with a friend of hers...hmm...the last time I (accidentally) hooked Dylan up with someone...that wasn't a pretty situation, as I understand it. Anyway...yeah...Erika's great...that's the sum of all of this. I should put a picture of her in a post somewhere, too, so that you could all see what she looks like....so pretty :). Anyway, I've been writing for ages now, and that's pretty much my summer thusfar, so I'm going to stop about here. I'll probably be writing more regularly nowadays.
By the way, all of you from whom I haven't heard in ages, give me a call! Gosh.
Jp
Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 02:45 pm
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The Call is back.
I think that's all I need to say.
Apr. 29th, 2005 @ 07:32 am
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| » Its been what, almost two weeks? |
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I haven't done a real update in about two weeks now, so I figured that it was about time (despite the fact that I should be working) to continue my illustrious Internet publishing career. :) The past two weeks have been really, really weird. I think I left off last time right after the death of JP2. I stayed up that Friday night to watch his funeral at 4:00AMET, and it was definitely cool stuff. There were dignitaries there from all over the globe, including Muslim heads of state and the head Rabbi of Rome. Now, the Quran acknowledges the virgin birth, Son of God status (though without that actual term, death (though it says the Jews are to blame, when, in reality, it was the Romans) and Resurrection of Christ. However, I was rather surprised to see the Rabbi and his retinue (in full stereotypical orthodox garb. :)) there. Jp2 did so much for repairing the Jewish-Christian schism, though, so its understandable. I mean, he apologized for the holocaust, and was the first pope since Kefa to go in a synagogue. And all that. The service as a whole was tremendously powerful. At one point, the crowd interrupted the homily shouting "Santo, Santo!" in unison. Later there was another interruption of "Giovann Paulo!" Awesome. All the commentators said that they had never seen or heard of anything like that with another pope. Speaking of commentators, the funeral was carried even on Al-Jazira, of all networks. There was a rather lengthy discussion by the CNN people about how this was the first exposure to Christianity many people who can watch that network have ever had. I'm a bit confused as to why they carried it...as Christianity in all its forms is illegal in some of the countries it reaches, if I remember correctly. I also thought that it was very cool that the Methodist liturgy for Communion is the same as the Catholic liturgy. :) I'm glad we didn't change more than we had to. Of course, there are some things which I saw that sent chills down my spine, and which I am very glad that we did change. For one, the largest picture in Peter's Square was of Mary and Jesus. I put the names in that order intentionally. Mary was the main figure, holding a very tiny baby Jesus. Who is it that we're supposed to be worshipping? In the Hail Mary, Mary was referred to as "Savior of Rome," and throughout the service, Mary might have actually been invoked on more occasions than her Son. Who is it that we're supposed to be worshipping? I don't like idolatry. Also, the liturgy of the saints had me nearly angry. "Saint ___, pray for him. Saint ____, pray for him. Saint ____, pray for him." This went on for about ten minutes. These saints are regular people. If anyone believes that getting them to "pray to Christ" for someone has more effect than us praying for someone, then that is to say that Christ does not listen to us with as much veracity as He listens to them, which is to say that Christ does not pay as much attention to us as to them, which is to say that Christ does not love us like He loves saints. Thus, for that reason, and because it is a form of adoration of something other than the Triune, it's blasphemy. Oh well. I liked the Greek Orthodox Church. The Patriarchs did a single prayer over the coffin which was very, very cool. And the rest of the service was great. (Note that out of a two and a half hour service, the parts of which I disapproved constituted about 20 minutes. So, it was by no means all bad).
Let's see...what has happened since then....I got together with my group for my final project in my PvF class, and we wrote a horribly offensive satire of the 1950s anti-Soviet nuclear attack propaganda videos. You know, the "duck and cover" tapes? We adapted them to be about race to point out the stupidity of racism. Well....we took it to class, and as other people were presenting we realized that it was waaaay too offensive. So we took it back and revised, and toned it down before we presented. After our presentation, we took suggestions from the class, and then toned it down once again. Then, the teacher approached us in class and basically chewed us out, and told us that we couldn't print large parts of it. Though she didn't tell us her reasoning outright, she meant that we couldn't print parts that she didn't like, especially those that didn't agree with her politics. I don't enjoy being censored because my teacher expresses that I must hold to anti-Christian morals and ethics. So, we edited it as was decreed, but I saved the old version, and also wrote a four page letter about how the school is hypocritical and is violating the first amendment, which will go to the teacher and TAs, and the chancellor, and president of the university, and all the deans, and a particular member of the NC State Senate, all once grades are in. An atheist had the nerve to tell me that I was offensive to Jesus, and that the play wasn't pro-gay enough, among other things....bad move.
On a more positive note, I have finished my computer game for blind kids that I was writing for my Enabling Technologies course. I'm not sure how much fun the kids will have with it, but its an accomplishment for me as far as writing programs goes. Certainly, this is the most complicated thing I've ever written. Soon, I'll put a version of it up on the web, in case anyone wants to see (well...there's not much to literally SEE) the product. I'll still keep upgrading it, but I finished a functioning version just in time - final presentations are this week, and mine is on Wednesday. Next Wednesday, my Enabling Tech class is having forty or more blind kids from across the state come in for the entire day, and we're going to set up a carnival-type display of all the projects in the class which dealt with blindness - which is most of them, really. Gary (the professor) is getting a department grant for pizza and drinks, and I hope we can all make it a fun time for the kids. They'll be from elementary through high school age. At least one station of my game should run all day, and this will give me a good chance to test it out and see both whether the kids think it is fun, and also for which age groups the game is most appropriate. I really hope it goes well. I'm getting little prizes to give to everybody who completes it. :) Or, well, to give to everybody. I wouldn't want some kid to feel left out. If they don't enjoy it, I'm hoping that some of the older kids might be able to give me suggestions on what to change or improve to make it more fun. Other groups are going to be running stations of their projects as well, of course, and overall, I think it should be a cool day.
Hmm...what else...I'm sure I'll think of more later...but, on to recent things!
I have two weeks of school left. Do you guys have any idea how awesome that is? By six o-clock on the evening of May 3rd, I should be HOME for the SUMMER! That has an amazing, amazing implication. For the first time EVER, MY BIRHTDAY WILL BE DURING SUMMER VACATION! That is so, so, SO awesome. :)
Certain recent events have led me to realize that I've pretty much cut off most of my J-Co and conference friends. I'm really sorry about that, guys. I didn't really realize I had even been doing it until about a week ago. I'll make up for it! Really! I'm so so so so so so so sorry.
Finally, last night rocked my socks. Though not all of them, certain Conference kids - and SBW - are just great. Alternately, I could say that, not all of them, but certain Chrysalis kids - and the middle Farnell, who will soon be a butterfly or I will force her to go on a flight ( no threat intended :-D ) - are just great. Either way. That Chrysalis event which happens every so often in which I can be involved (which shall not be named here) is always, ALWAYS a great experience, regardless of the side from which it is perceived. There's no worship setting like that one where feel that a large percentage of the people there, (All, or very nearly so, in this case) are actually sincere. Its uplifting, inspiring to be able to look to the people beside you and go, "Hey look! Christians!" without any doubt I nearly always have in typical church settings, and am certain of at UNC Wesley, that the people there are just "playing church." Also, it was absolutely wonderful to get to see you all again, if only for a few hours. You guys make me happy, and I love ya. :)
On a closing note, I still have not heard back from State. Anxious, anxious, anxious.
Now, its off to write up a report on PathFinder (the program for blind kids) and to do some other work. The nearest due date is Tuesday, meaning I can still procrastinate if I get too bored out of my mind!
Jp
Apr. 17th, 2005 @ 01:40 pm
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| » WTF? |
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AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFORE THE GAME, THESE PEOPLE LOCK THE STUDY LOUNGES BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID THAT, IF UNC WINS, THE IMMORAL DRUNKS HERE WILL BURN THE FURNITURE. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PLACE OF EDUCATION, AND THEY LOCK THE ONLY SURE PLACE TO DO ANYTHING QUIETLY BECAUSE THEIR STUDENTS ARE CRIMINALS. I'M SO FURIOUS.
The chancellor is getting a letter about this.....
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 08:40 pm
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| » A bombshell Haha.... |
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Okay, get this. I'm going to pull for UNC this evening in the championship. Can you believe it? I'm pretty skeptical myself...not sure if I'll go through with it. I WAS pulling for Duke, of course. Then they had to go and screw up and get eliminated. So, afterward, I pulled for Michigan, because if they had won, Duke would have lost to the champions, and therefore, Duke could have, in theory, been the second-best national team. Then, Michigan State lost....jerks. So, I was pulling for Illinois, for no other reason than to spite UNC. However, as I was sitting in my music recitation this morning, Brad brought up something interesting. Apparently, when UNC won the national championship last time, in 1993, there was more chaos here than simply jumping over bonfires on Franklin. There was extreme looting, vandalism, and other crime. One of the music buildings lost all of its north-facing windows lol....AND, the university was forced to shut down classes the next day. What? No classes? Oh yes, this is enough of an incentive to get me to switch allegiances. GO TAR HEELS! ...then go to hell afterward....but get me out of classes before you do. :)
I still hate their songs though, their blasphemous school spirit chants...
"Hark the sound of Tar Heel Voices, ringing loud and true, singing Carolina's praises (to whom, precisely, SHOULD we be singing praises? Oh yes, Adonai, not some godless school), shouting NCU. (Whoever composed the song couldn't even word it well enough to say 'UNC.' Pathetic. NCU is closer to NCSU than to UNC. Every word is utter and complete blasphemy from this point on, by the way). Hail to the brightest star of all (Apparently, this is no longer Jesus.....), clear its radiance shine, Carolina priceless gem(Priced at about $16,500 per year), receive all praises thine (Well...they can play basketball well. Thats the extent of the praises, or it should be)."
Grrr...
Then there's the fight song. Grr...
"I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar Heel bred, and when I die I'll be a Tar Heel dead..." When I die I hope I'm most counted as a Christian dead. Well, not dead precisely, but dead here anyway.
Stupid school. Yay God! Boo UNC!
But I'll pull for them for ONE night, and not sing any blasphemy songs.
Today is an interesting change from the typical routine....My usual class was cancelled, so I went to the Monday recitation for my music class, because I missed my usual Friday recitation. At 1, I'm going to be in a test study working with Clique, that awesome audio interface software that Pete Parente wrote. Then around 3 I have to meet with Professor Weiss to see what I missed in Friday's Java recitation. Then at 5, I'm meeting with my play writing group to edit the drama thing we wrote for PvF. Afterward, I'm home free for the evening. I might watch the last half of the game, I don't know. I hope they win. I don't want to go to classes tomorrow, and even though I wouldn't participate in any of the destruction, touring the aftermath (when everyone else is in bed, hung over from the night before) would be pretty cool. Sorta like going outside after a hurricane, ya know? We haven't had any good hurricanes lately lol.
A look at theological stuff is coming soon - Christmas, Easter, and ironies with the British and JP2. Of all the times for him to die (God forbid that I should mean to offend), God chose last week. Not the week before, not next week. Very ironic.
Just a thought: There's no pope right now. What are the implications of this over the next twenty days or so, until we have a new one? I'll write about that later. Of course, as a Protestant....more or less, I know that the Pope is pretty much just a figurehead. Nonetheless, if he is Kefa's successor, there could be something to (part of) the Catholic stress on his importance. He's not the head of the Church, but he could be important. We may find out soon whether he is or not.
Anyway...I'm off to reverse-engineer some software that's way over my head and then to go to Pete's office.
Jp
....the only Jp left. :( (You could count my dad as a Jp...but lets just not do that. :) )
Apr. 4th, 2005 @ 11:55 am
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| » Easter |
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The day of Christ's Resurrection (not (e)Astar) this year by the Gregorian calendar is April 26th. Just thought you guys might like to know.
Jp
Apr. 2nd, 2005 @ 09:02 pm
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| » Kaddish, l'Yokhanan Sha'ul, Shtayim - Prayer at Death for John Paul, the Second |
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I wonder if the next pope will take the Bible seriously. If he doesn't, if he's like so many "Christians" I've met lately, then we're doomed. If he doesn't, the church will become a cult again. If he doesn't, Christianity as we know it will cease to exist, beaten out by the spineless, moralless "religion" that tells everyone that everything is okay, regardless of what the Bible's position on it is, a "Christianity" that holds no faith in the miracles and Truth of Christ. I hope we get a pope the sort of which C.S. Lewis would approve. We shall see. We shall see.
The Mourner's Kaddish, with which Jesus would have mourned the passing of Joseph, intended to focus one on God during times of death:
May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified. Amen. In the world that He created as He willed. May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and iun your days, and in the lifetimes of the entire House of Israel, swiftly and soon. Respond: Amen. Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever. Blessed, praised glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, lauded be the Name of the Holy One, Blessed is He. Blessed is He. Beyond any blessing and song, praise and consolation that are uttered in t he world. Respond: Amen. Amen. May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life upon us and upon all Israel. Respond: Amen. Amen. He who makes peace in HIs heights, may He make peace, upon us and upon all Israel. Now respond: Amen.
Amen.
Ba'shem, Eloi' Ha'Adon, Yeshua, Mashiach, v'HaRuach, HaKodesh, Echad. Amen.
In the name of My God, the Lord, Jesus, Messiah, and the Holy Spirt, One. Amen.
This entry will be edited on March 2, 2006.
Apr. 2nd, 2005 @ 05:02 pm
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| » Today is a nice day. |
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And I'm stuck inside. Homework. Gotta hate it.
Anyway...all that fanfare about taking my schoolwork more seriously, all that determination, and still I had a seriously tough time on that test this morning. Oh well. I'm fairly accepting of being consigned to a B at best in there. Even so, I should be able to compensate for it later - no big deal, really. Onward!
The craziness on campus today more than makes up for yesterday's quiet. There are tour groups of high school juniors everywhere...I want to stop each and every one and tell them the side of the university that the hand-picked tour guides won't illuminate, but oh well. At the moment, I'm merely bummed because its 74 degrees outside, wonderfully sunny - PERFECT sailing weather - and I'm in a lounge, coding. What a day for a huge assignment. Could be far worse, though. The assignment's not due until Thursday, so I'm going to take it slowly. No worries.
My phone is nuts. Somebody tried to beep me earlier and it just...yeah. Ick. Oh well. Whoever it was, if ya see this, sorry about that. Maybe it will fix itself.
Thursday at 4:45, I'm free of all this sudden work! WOOHOO! :) Until then, if you want to talk to me for more than ten minutes or so....take a number. It'll probably be a very low number. Like one. Maybe two, if I'm lucky. But still.
UNC's double standard of discrimination (though unofficial):
In the pit, there are two cube faces (big signs, basically) for "gay bashes" being held this week - parties intended for homosexual students, though I doubt others would be physically banned from going. (The recent spraypainting of 'next time we beat back' or something of that nature might make me question this assumption, however.)
My question is this. If someone wanted to paint cube faces to advertise something like, say, "Party for straight kids to celebrate how awesome it is to be straight!" wouldn't that person be derided as intolerant, even though it says nothing, tolerant or not, about homosexuals? Most likely, the sign would be defaced, and I'm guessing that there would be honor code charges filed, even if there was nothing banning homosexuals from the event. Ah, how nice and equal the campus society is. I might be derided as intolerant just for mentioning this...I doubt anyone would actually say it, but I'm nearly sure that someone or other will think that. Oh well. This isn't intolerant, and I'm not intolerant. I merely don't think there should be events organized around sexual orientation unless there can be events organized around all sexual orientation without any sort of harassment either way. Anything else is discrimination, official or not.
Blah. Enough of that. Its too sunny for me to be disgruntled. And I'm not particularly disgruntled at that. I'm used to it.
On to code now, I suppose. I think the program is intended to read a list of words from a file, weed out the "bad" ones, and sort the remaining entries alphabetically and recursively. Can do. I'll have to look some things up, but I can do it. Later all.
Jp
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 03:42 pm
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| » Campus is Quiet Today... |
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It feels like a Sunday for some reason....I'm not sure why. I get the unmistakable impression that it's a Sunday, but, of course, its not. Weird. I went to "LKG" (Ha! Love the name.) this weekend, and despite a few interesting points it was, as a whole, rather dumb, as it was too cold to be on the water. At some point in the weekend, I was struck by the realization that I am in dire need of buckling down with my schoolwork, lest I deal a severe blow to my GPA this semester...so, its back to the old ways of doing things, which I suppose is, in fact, better. I'm writing this AS I study for a Music History test instead of BEFORE I study, and the whole late night conversation thing is going to have to go, in favor of sleep, until the end of the schoolyear. Sleep is good. I didn't get much of it last night (but took a 3-hour nap, from which I awoke just an hour ago, instead), but this was because I was reading for my Plessy v. Ferguson class. (only ONE book and ONE coursepack left to read!) In all seriousness, I should not go to that class anymore, and not do any of the work, in order to free myself to concentrate on my other courses. That class doesn't count at NCSU in the least. It doesn't even go on my transcript. In case something horrible happens, though, and I wind up here for another semester (God forbid), I have to keep that up. Which stinks. This week is going to be craziness - and its no longer enough to simply make it through. Back to (nearly) my old standards, I must do well. I'm thinking graduation with a 3.75 would be an acceptable standard to set. Consequently, I'm off to drill nineteenth-century opera into my skull until I can identify individual movements from only a few measures. Downstairs Lenoir (the food court) closes in an hour and thirty-seven minutes. An hour more and I'll go get some food. Maybe later I'll stop and watch a movie. But I doubt it.
Grades this week (More for my benefit than for the Lj):
Tuesday - MUSC 41 Test
Thursday - COMP114 Program 3
Thursday - Plessy, first 10 minutes of final exam play
Sometime soon - DDR Pad on the COMP 190 game
Whooooaaaaa....I know it doesn't seem like much...but it so is.
Jp
Happy Easter, Everyone! :) I'll let everyone know when the REAL Easter, as opposed to the holiday built on the pagan festival worshipping Astarte (Bunnies, chickens, and eggs? These are fertility symbols, goyim. They have nothing to do with Jesus), comes up this year. Its at the end of April by the Messiah's calendar. Just check the Lj or a/m's.
Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 06:13 pm
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| » I'm am BEYOND tired. |
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Yeah, I'm exhausted to the point of idiocy here, so don't expect any literary masterpieces in this particular update. However, tired as I may be, things are going pretty well for a change. Adonai brings good things to those who wait on Him. Classes are going...decently...I got an 87 on one test, which is in my First Year Seminar, so since it doesn't transfer to State I don't care about the grade anyway...but with the extra credit I had, it was a solid 100. A+ on another programming assignment in java (WOOT!). It'll compensate for the horrible exercise set I turned in earlier today in that class. Even after I compared answers with a friend in there for about an hour and a half(we were allowed to, by the way) I still don't trust that I did well. Other than that, I'm just having an reasonably good (which is high praise from me) day. I've been awake for going on 23 hours now lol....I didn't sleep last night due to a combination of an overload of homework (Thank you, Foundations of Programming...grrrr...) and an odd but nice phone call lol..:) We presented our little mini-plays in my PoliSci/Drama class today (weird combination, right?)...good stuff. We also picked our groups for the final play. I was worried that I would be disappointed with mine, but I'm not at all. It should work out really well, I think. I did inadvertantly find out that my professor in there (my second-favorite of all my professors thusfar, behind Gb, who rocks) is an affirmative atheist....I don't know precisely why I let it bother me, I mean, she can believe what she wants...but I know how hopeless that outlook on life is, and it just pains me to know that someone (lots of people, actually) have so little source for hope. Plus, Donna earns extra respect in that she doesn't make the two critical errors of the vast majority of atheists (all besides her, as far as I know) with whom I am acquainted. She doesn't insult or attack theism, and, most surprisingly, she admits her initial assumption - that atheism is a religion, based on faith in the nonexistance of a god, but faith no more and no less than Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc. Finally I know that there are people out there willing to see their godless (not intended as a derrogatory statement, but to be taken literally) religion for precisely what it is. I was beginning to think that they all believed that their opinion was based on "fact" and that they were thus above the rest of us. But no. So, as disappointed as I am that Belial has managed to shroud the eyes of such a kind person, my heart is lifted (I had warmed there but I changed it...John Wesley lol), because I can see that he has not won her so far over as so many I know, to ignorance of even what they themselves beleive. The rest BaYad shel HaShem, im Mashiach, ani yodea.
Oh..something neat. To me, anyway. Yesterday in Enabling Tech, we were watching a video produced about people with disabilities and the technology they use to help them in their lives (the entire theme of the class itself, actually), and I got an interesting idea out of the blue. One of the people in the video used Dragon to dictate because she didn't have the dexterity to type. She mentioned training Dragon to her voice and all, which I've done before...and it stinks, really...but I thought of a new thing to try with it that I might test out. What if I could train it to hear Hebrew, and type English, translating from my voice, on the fly? I don't think I could do it the other way around, I don't know the grammar that well yet...but still, I thought it was a neat idea.
There are some other things about which I could post...but I'm really, really tired right now...I think I may go take a nap. :) I'm about 30 minutes away from being up for a full day. hmmm....
Jp
Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 03:30 pm
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| » Apparently I have a LiveJournal still....:) |
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Hah, all of spring break and I didn't update once. Oh well. It wasn't exactly that exciting, no trips or anything like I had hoped (and yeah, the thing to NYC definitely got cancelled). It wasn't that boring, though - I liked it, at least. Relaxation was great...though now I have Java work to do and have to go back to UNC tomorrow. Oh well. Its a four day week, at least, which is a plus. And NOW for a basic rundown of the week. Or, for what I can remember of it, at least.
...and I forget parts just because I have a bad memory haha. No other reason. Just thought I'd clear that up.
Friday:
Both Bedsole and Dylan were home, so it was Christmas-break style fun for hours on end. Nice.
Saturday:
Bedsole decided to be a punk and go back to UNCC a day early (if I remember right), but I still hung out with Dylan some. I also got an awesome idea for something I'm building. With power tools. That's right. Jonathan is using power tools. Watch out, everybody.
Sunday:
I was doing nothing, being innocent, minding my own business, when Anna and MHS AMBUSHED my house, KIDNAPPED me, and dragged me KICKING and SCREAMING (:-D) around town. (Mh...bring it on. Lets roll! HAha...) All of this culminated in crashing the Centenary youth group (for which I'm too old now lol), and a finger-paint fight as I tried to free myself from their capture. Yeah, definitely one of the highlights of the break, but time with cool conference kids is always great, so there was no doubt that it would be. I got up later in the week and saw a splotch of orange paint across my shirt sleeve. Fun! Thanks, you two. It did make me worry, though, because Anna got some on a shirt of hers and we all assured her that it would come out...but it didn't come out of MY shirt, so.....anyway, I hope I didn't ruin your shirt AP. If I did, I'm soooo sorry and I'll make it up to ya if you want...not sure how...but still.
Monday-Friday:
Well, pretty much all of my friends were in school, either in hs around the county in various places or back in college. I did plan to go to NCSU one day...I think it was Thursday, but I got an overwhelmingly apathetic and/or negative response from some people (though a few weren't like that) and the weather was bad anyway, so I called it off. Other than that, random lounging around the house and putting off all possible work was the modus of the whole week. Nice.
Saturday:
I'm now an applicant to NCSU (again)! I hope all the transfer spots haven't already filled or anything lol. It was funny...they had all my information from my freshman app (including the essays! Score!) already in, so all I had to do was add in one optional essay (which was all of one page or so, a bit less) and then add in my awards and activities for spring 03-04, summer 04, and fall 04-05. Its done! Now I sit back and, once more, wait for a response. Also, dinner was cool. I'm still incessanlty reminded of Monty Python's killer bunny, though. lol
On a less time-specific, and very, very, very rare (for me) note...
Soo...Over the course of one week, I happened to meet someone (well I met her beforehand, but not by much), fall totally and completely head-over-heels for her (has anyone ever looked at that phrase, 'head-over-heels?' Isn't your head always over your heels, in normal situations? Shouldn't it be 'heels-over-head?' Whatever works. I now detest the word 'heels' in any context whatsoever though. :) ) Anyway, yeah, I fell for her..I think some people would say "like whoa" haha...and I was such a genius as to not realize how I should have been treating the whole situation until literally just HOURS after (and before I found out that) someone else asked her out. That's not a pleasant feeling, let me tell ya. This hasn't happened in years (me really falling for someone), and I screw it up by mere hours. How...unpleasant. However, I won't be hypocritical and go on about relationship stuff after all I said on that topic. Yah will do what Yah will do, and Yah is enough. Two awesome people helped me through all that. You two rock. I just love how I compulsively interjected all those things into that paragraph that had nothing to do with what I was talking about.....haha....you guys know me.
Sunday:
Went to church in Raleigh...can't explain here. It was pretty cool, though. Then I got Indian food, including that awesome dessert that tastes SO great (I had the name of it this morning, but I forget again...). Came home, slept (because I was up all night last night) then talked to some friends for a while. I'm intensifying my workouts because I get the feeling that I'm not really pushing myself anymore when it comes to that. In fact, after stepping things up today I know I wasn't, so I'm glad I've fixed it. Of course, that also means that the whole working out thing is doing some good, because when I started my old workout I was definitely pushing myself. Very cool. Now, I have to do some Java work that's due Tuesday so that I won't be stressed for time tomorrow night, then hopefully more random nonsense.
Jp
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 07:12 pm
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| » Unhappily disillusioned |
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Smoking stinks. Take a perfectly fun and charming girl, put a cigarette in her hand, and it all goes to heck. I disapprove of many things, I know, but smoking is the worst. And its not the same for everyone - not for older people, and not for people who have been smoking for a long time, specifically, who started before they knew what it does to the body. The primary segment of people with whom I have a problem are girls my age who think it has some positive effect on their image. Not that I approve of smoking in guys and not in girls, its just that for obvious reason I don't notice the guys. The smell...ugh...the smell. And the addiction. Whether to alcohol, nicotine, other drugs, behaviors, or people, addictions as a whole make the worst impressions.I'm also convinced that I'm going to be single at age 85 because my standards are too high for my own good. Oh well. Either I find bashirta sheli or I don't. Yah does what Yah does.
Jp
Notice that my Lj is predominantly for ranting lately?
Mar. 14th, 2005 @ 03:57 am
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| » Just wondering. Informed answers appreciated |
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Why is it that the people without relationships (ie, in this case, me), are the ones who are always, invariably, the sounding board for the relationship problems of everyone blessed enough to have relationships? I'd like to know this. Don't get me wrong, there is a select, very small group of people (they all know who they are) for whom I would gladly be an open ear, no matter what the circumstances. When these people come to me, my concern is genuine, and I in no way want to discourage that sort of open communication. Lately, however, these people haven't come to me to talk. Instead, I get all people I barely know, who go on and on and on, uselessly, with very little real problem to discuss, about how infatuated they are with their latest love interest.... Its....ugh. Do they go to other people who have relationships, too? Or do they just seek out us constantly single (in terms of both spoken and unspoken relationships) people out to flag the fact that we're single and make it more obvious to us? The latest bit...this one girl took care to tell me how she and her boyfriend had sex when he came to visit, and tonight she's SO paranoid that she offended him because she loves him so so so so so so so much and ....on and on....Great. So on this occasion, not only do I get the typical utter and total dependence for happiness on another person ("I feel so bad because he might not be happy") but on top of that the convenient deluge into sin whenever its convenient for pheromones. Wonderful. Get back soon, Yeshua, before everyone on the globe chooses to forget you in favor of their latest sexual crush. In the meantime, I'm going to bed. Someone wake me if He shows back up. Don't want to be asleep then.
Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 04:36 am
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| » Its been ages |
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I've not been posting becuase I've been chronically plagued with a mix of one of a bad cold and constant sleep deprivation. Spring break starts tomorrow, though (Thank the LORD), so I should be able to fix both those things. This week has been pretty awesome so far. Andy Bell came over on Tuesday, Wednesday Rachel and I got her 1983 "laptop" working lol (I'm so going to get one of those on Ebay...) and today I had one class, and band, and one class for tomorrow cancelled. Had I had one more class (A recitation at that) cancelled tomorrow, I would have been able to leave at noon today! Ugh. Oh well... Spring break, 13 hours, 15 minutes away. :)
Mar. 10th, 2005 @ 10:28 pm
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